


The Trick Is Not To Rush It

by CatWingsAthena



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Episode: s03e01 Improvise, Gen, Parental Jack Dalton (MacGyver TV 2016), Platonic Bed Sharing, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 01:44:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21153536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatWingsAthena/pseuds/CatWingsAthena
Summary: When Mac shows up at Jack's door one night, shortly after the events of 3x01, Jack knows something's wrong.He doesn't know how bad it is.





	The Trick Is Not To Rush It

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everybody! Warning: this one contains pretty in-depth discussions of suicidality, including messed-up justifications for it. If that's not going to be a good thing for you, please, take care of yourself. 
> 
> Title is from an original MacGyver quote: "We're all gonna die. The trick is not to rush it." 
> 
> Okay, on with the story!

Jack had been expecting the knock on the door.

They’d lost Jill four days ago. Since then, Mac had been running himself ragged looking for Murdoc, barely eating or sleeping.

Jack had asked Mac every night if he wanted him to stay over, but Mac had always said no. Jack’s instincts told him that something was up, but also that pressing the issue might do more harm than good.

So he was honestly a bit relieved that Mac was here now.

But also worried. If  _ Mac _ was admitting to distress, it had to be  _ bad. _

Jack opened the door. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Mac’s voice sounded infinitely tired. “Can I come in?”

Under other circumstances, Jack might have cracked a joke about that— _ what are you, a vampire? _ But as it was, he just said, “of course.”

Mac pushed past Jack and sat down on the couch.

For a long moment, he was quiet, fiddling with a piece of string that was coming off of a couch cushion.

Then:

“I was thinking—” Mac took a deep, shaky breath. “I mean, I was wondering if—”

Jack didn’t press, just sat on the other end of the couch while Mac put his thoughts in order—and, Jack was guessing, got up the courage to voice them.

Mac took another deep breath. “I was wondering if maybe there’s something obvious we’ve overlooked. A way to end all this.”

An alarm went off in Jack’s brain. “What do you mean?”

“I mean... Murdoc’s doing all this because he’s obsessed with me. Because he wants to destroy me.” Mac stared off into space. “He wants to be the one to kill me. That’s his game. I can think of one way to make sure he loses.”

Jack’s heart dropped to the level of the floor. “Mac...”

“If I’m gone, he won’t be able to obsess over me any more, and he’ll go be horrible somewhere else.” Mac was still staring straight ahead. “No one else I care about will get hurt.”

When Jack had realized his relationship with Diane was going to last, back when Riley had been a fiery twelve-year-old, Jack had bought a parenting book and read it cover to cover. In the book, there’d been a section on what to do if your child tells you they’re contemplating suicide.  _ If you’re given one time in your life as a parent to be calm, no matter how you’re feeling, _ the book had said,  _ use it now. _

Anyway, for some reason, that was running through Jack’s head as he thought about what to say next.

He took a breath in and out, as subtly as he could.

Then, he spoke.

“First, it’s not the least bit true that no one you cared about would get hurt if you died. We would all be absolute wrecks, okay? Losing you... it would ruin us.”

“You were fine for three months without me.”

“Oh, is that what you think? We only survived that because we knew you were doing what you needed to do. That you were happy. And by the way, Riley satellite-stalked you. We all wanted updates.”

“You... satellite-stalked me?”

“Yup.”

“I should be mad about that.”

“Are you?”

“...No.”

Jack took another breath. “And second? If you...” He hesitated to say the words aloud, but the book had said not to be afraid of putting ideas in their head, that direct discussion would do more good than harm. “If you kill yourself, Murdoc’s still the one to kill you. Because he drove you to it. So he still wins. In fact, sicko that he is, I think he’d take a twisted kind of pleasure in knowing he pushed you that far.” He looked at Mac, who was still looking away. “C’mon. You gonna let that asshole win?”

“I mean... it’d still be ending this on my terms. Before anyone else I care about gets killed.” He looked down. “I’m starting to think... I might not be able to win this one.”

“Hey, hey, don’t you start thinking like that.” Jack scooted closer to Mac on the couch and put an arm around his shoulder. Mac stiffened at first, but then relaxed into the contact, resting his head on Jack. “Listen to me. If you die, if all goes according to your plan and Murdoc leaves the rest of us alone, he’s still going to go hurt people somewhere else. It’s just who he is—he’s never gonna stop until someone stops him. I know one team in this world that has half a chance of stopping him—and guess what? It don’t run without you.”

“But it did...”

“Do you know what happened to our mission success rate while you were gone?”

Mac looked up for the first time since this conversation had started. “Something happened to your mission success rate?”

“Damn right it did. We were still the best in the Phoenix, but we took a major hit.”

Mac’s eyes went wide, and he tried to sit up. “God, I’m sorry... how many of the ones that failed were... how many people...”

_ Shit, wrong move. _ “Oh Mac, that’s not what I was trying to say.” He rubbed Mac’s shoulder where his hand was resting, pushing him back down. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You were perfectly within your rights not to work with someone you couldn’t trust. All I’m saying is, the world would miss you if you were gone. And so would Bozer, and Riley, and Matty, and—” Jack couldn’t keep the pain contained any longer, and his voice broke—“so would I.”

Mac nodded. “I know you would,” he said. “But... missing me would be better than being dead.”

“You listen to me,” said Jack fiercely. “It is my  _ job _ to protect you. If that means I die, so be it. But it’s more than my job—it’s what I  _ choose _ to do. Because you matter. To me, to the rest of our family, to the world...” He looked at Mac. “Do you understand that?”

Mac raised his head and looked at him blankly, then put his head back down.

“Besides, it’s gonna take more than Murdoc to take me down. Next time I see him, I swear to God...”

Mac nodded again, and Jack felt the motion more than saw it.

“Tell you what,” said Jack. “When was the last time you slept?”

Silence.

“Wrong answer.”

“I’m thinking.”

“Yeah, that means it’s been too long. Stay with me tonight. Get some sleep. I bet things’ll look better in the morning. And then, I’m taking you in to the Phoenix to see Carina.”

“You are  _ not _ making me see the therapist.”

“You just said you’re thinking about suicide, if that’s not cause to see the therapist I don’t know what is. Oh, and that reminds me.” Jack held out his hand expectantly.

After a moment, Mac placed his Swiss army knife in Jack’s palm.

“You know that wouldn’t stop me if I really wanted to, right?”

“I know I could strip this house top to bottom and you’d still—nope, you know what, I’m not giving you any ideas. Point is, yes, I know I couldn’t stop you. But I figure, why make it easier than it has to be?” He paused. “Speaking of which, I’m not letting you out of my  _ sight _ tonight. You need to go to the bathroom, you’re leaving the door open.”

“Jack—”

“I am  _ not _ losing you, do you hear me? Not like this.”

Slowly, Mac nodded. “What if I promise I won’t?”

“That would make me feel better, but I still won’t leave you alone.”

“What do you want me to promise?”

Jack thought about it for a moment. Much as he wished he could make Mac promise never to hurt or kill himself, he knew that, in their line of work, it might become necessary for Mac to break that promise at some point, either for his own good (Jack vividly remembered watching Mac stab a pair of scissors into his leg) or to save lives. While Jack would never count Mac an acceptable sacrifice, Mac would, and Jack knew there was nothing in the world that could stop Mac from doing what he thought was necessary to save people.

Not even a promise.

And Jack didn’t want Mac to die feeling like he’d failed him.

“If you’re ever thinking about hurting or killing yourself,” said Jack, “promise you’ll talk to me first. Not over the phone, in person. And if we’re on an op, and you have to pull some sort of heroic sacrifice thing, and you can at all manage it—tell me what you’re doing. Over comms, at least. Give me a chance to talk you out of it. That’s all I’m asking.” He turned his head to look at Mac. “Do you promise?”

“I promise.”

“Good.” He started to sit up, and Mac promptly sat up straight. “All right, time to get ready for bed.”

“I can sleep on the couch...”

“What did I say about letting you out of my sight?”

“You want me to sleep in your bed?”

“It’s not weird. Not like we haven’t slept closer on missions. Remember Siberia?”

Mac smiled a bit. “Yes, I remember you almost literally froze your butt off.”

“That’s ‘cause you were the little spoon.”

Mac grabbed a couch cushion and smacked Jack with it.

Jack smiled. “There you are.”

There was a moment of quiet.

Then:

“I hope you’re right.”

“What about?”

“About things looking better in the morning.”

_ Oh, kid, I hope so too. _

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! Please let me know below what you thought! Best!


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